Indirectly Suicide
by Ceretis Paribus
Summary: Oneshot: Hatori and Shigure. Shigure finds that his old friend is pushing himself too hard after Hatori gives the Shigure-house quite a scare. Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru are in here too.


A/N: When I saw Fruits Basket I found it very strange that the overworked doctor, Hatori, smokes cigarettes. I had to give myself an explanation and this is it

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**Indirect Suicide**

Hatori hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks now and he was currently going on 3 hours sleep he did manage some 24 hours ago. Akito was dying, there was no doubt about it, and he required an extensive amount of Hatori time. However, Akito's condition had reached the point where Hatori could do nothing but relieve Akito of his pain and simply be there for him as family.

Besides this he still ran his practise for the other Sohma family members, though only on part time. The situation was one that drained all the family members for energy to the extent that there seemed to lye a despondent haze of frustration over the Sohma estate. Even Momiji seemed discouraged by it.

Hatori's growling stomach send him back to reality in Akito's sick room. He suddenly remembered that he hadn't had time eat yet and 24 hours was pushing it even for him.

Akito was in a drug induced slumber so Hatori gathered that he hardly would notice if he left for 10 minutes, getting something to eat.

He tried to stand up, but his legs were stiff from all the hours in the same position on the cold floor. He was forced to spend minutes getting the blood out to his extremities to get them functional again.

Outside the weather was getting colder, and as Hatori remembered there was a possibility for snow even, later in the week. He reached for the pack of cigarettes on the way over to the kitchen, lighting it as soon as he shaking hands would allow him to. He absolutely hated feeling this way, needing the nicotine, how his body hardly would function without it. He of all people knew what smoking did to people. All he had to do was look at his own uncle, whom was one of his patients also in the clinic. The man was so ill from bronchitis that he could hardly breathe anymore. Every time Hatori told him to quit smoking he felt like such a hypocrite.

"Ha'ri," Shigure yelled from the other side of the court yard. The writer forced the garden in no time and caught up with Hatori, "- Ha'ri, Old pal, you look absolutely awful," he exclaimed.

"Hello, Shigure," Haroti replied in an unenthusiastically monotone voice.

"No, seriously, Ha'ri! How much weight have you lost? It's getting ridiculous," Shigure carried on in a slightly more serious tone. Hatori chose to tackle Shigure in a different manner.

"I was just on my way to get something to eat,"Hatori tried. And it worked! Immediately the Christmas candle lights ignited in Shigure's eyes.

"Really, what are the Sohma chefs serving today?" Shigure whispered with tears of joy on his eyes. Hatori couldn't help to shake his head, he was just too easy.

"Haven't you got a little house wife at home waiting with dinner?" Haotori commented dryly.

"Yes, indeed! Miss Honda prepares the most delicious dishes. You should really get one yourself, dear Ha'ri! Anyway, I must return now. By the way, How's Akito doing?"

"As can be expected," Hatori replied and took a long drag of the cigarette. Shigure couldn't help but to notice the faint shake to his hands. Old Hatori was really starting to look like a wreck, his skinny figure, the hollow cheeks, and the ghastly paleness to his skin.

"Watch yourself, Ha'ri," Shigure asked with a whisper and it gained him a inquiring look from Hatori.

"By the way, how's Yuki doing? I haven't had time to check up on him," Hatori asked ignoring Shigure's comment.

"He seems fine, but it's hard to tell, isn't it?"

"Could you ask him to come over so I can look at him?"

"I could ask, but you know how he feels about the Sohma estate."

"Indeed"

"Why don't you come over, Ha'ri. Then you could check up on Yuki and get a decent meal," Shigure asked, full of hope. Hatori just sighed.

"I don't know, Shigure. I really have things to do here," he replied in the best way he could.

"Come on! It's been too long." That Hatori couldn't deny.

"We'll see. It depends on whether or not Akito needs my attention."

"Good, I'll see you tonight," Shigure finalized and disappeared into the distance. Hatori just sighed yet again and finished his cigarette.

Hatori swiftly ate his miso soup in silence and managed another cigarette on his way over to the main house. He had been away for half an hour and it was getting time for Akito's medicine.

He was surprised to find Akito awake and with glossy eyes he tried to focus on Hatori.

"Why did you leave me, Hatori," Akito whispered the malice in his still obvious. Hatori kneeled besides the ailing man.

"I needed to eat, sir," Hatori replied without revealing an emotion. Akito coughed suddenly, a horrible breathless sound. Hatori had forgotten that Akito's lungs had become sensible the cigarette smoke that still lingered in his clothes.

"Sorry, I forgot," Hatori whispered. Akito ignored him and they both knew why. It was too painful to talk about, especially now.

"I'm in pain, Hatori," Akito said as soon as he was able to, but Hatori was already preparing a shot for him that would relieve the pain. As soon as it was given Akito slipped back into a deep sleep.

Hatori spend the rest of the afternoon by Akito's sick bed, just monitoring his condition, keeping him pain free, stepping out only once for some fresh air and a cigarette. Funny how the two things often meant the same thing. He was such a hypocrite.

Upon giving Akito another large dose of morphine, he got his assistant look after Akito while he would be away to Shigure's house.

He really shouldn't have been driving due to sleep deprivation, but somehow he made it to Shigure's house without incidents. He then suddenly realized he hardly remembered how he got there.

He really needed to get some sleep.

He finished the cigarette he'd been smoking in the car before entering the house. He wouldn't compromise Yuki's lungs. It was enough that he did it to himself.

Shigure's home was a welcoming as had always been, the atmosphere being totally different from the one that reigned in the main house. Here there was life.

And Yuki and Kyo was arguing as usual about the most irrelevant things while they helped miss Honda in the kitchen.

Shigure was reading the paper in the living room, enjoying a cigarette.

"You know you shouldn't do that in the house, Shigure. Yuki doesn't stand a chance to grow out of his asthma if he's continuously exposed to cigarette smoke," Hatori commented and Shigure looked up from his paper.

"It's my house and I'll quit if you quit," Shigure replied and Hatori decided to let the matter rest, "Good to see you by the way"

"You too, Shigure," Hatori replied and struggled to get to a seat because of his aching back and knees. It seemed that everything hurt. To his surprise Shigure laughed loudly.

"What?"

"I… I didn't realize that we were getting that old, Ha'ri," he spluttered out and continued laughing. Kyo and Yuki came in and stared at the situation.

"What's so funny?" Kyo asked. Hatori sighed; he seemed to do that a lot today.

"An old man," Hatori replied, hoping they would leave at that. However, in the same second he had said that Tohru came through the door, "-which old man?"

"Me, it seems," Hatori added and this only made Shigure laugh even harder.

"But you're not much older than Shigure, are you?" Yuki asked. This, on the other hand, very effectively stopped Shigure's laughing fit.

"No, only 26 days to be precise," Hatori answered, satisfied that it had silenced Shigure.

Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru just didn't get it and went out in the kitchen again. It dawned on Hatori that he would have to get up again to examine Yuki; he just felt so tired that it almost seemed like an impossible task. His body ached as he tried to get on his feet again and opposite him he heard Shigure suppress a snicker.

Barely was he standing up straight before he became immensely dizzy, which frightened him for a moment, but fortunately is disappeared as quickly as it came. Shigure noticed nothing, his face buried in the news paper, trying to hide the grin that without a doubt was on his face.

"Yuki, may I borrow you for a moment?" Hatori asked, leaving Shigure in the living room.

"Yes, off course. What do you need me for?" Yuki asked. Hatori sighed. Did the boy even care? However, he kept his thoughts to himself.

"Your check-up off course," Hatori restrained himself to answer. Realization dawned upon Yuki.

"Sorry, I forgot."

"It doesn't matter," Hatori replied and then remembered, "-ah, I forgot my medical bag in the car."

He really must be getting old, forgetting his medical bag! He wasn't handling sleep deprivation as good as he did in his university days.

He went out to get it and instinctively his hand sought out his breast pocket where the pack of cigarettes was. Without thinking he lit it and inhaled the toxic smoke. While getting the bag out of the car he found that Shigure suddenly stood behind him.

"Shigure, what are you doing out here?" Hatori asked, surprise evident in his voice.

"Following your advice," Shigure answered in his usual cheerful voice, "-about smoking outside the house."

"Oh, I'm glad," Hatori simply replied and began to make his way back. Shigure noticed that Hatori was acting significantly different than usual. Right down to the way smoked the cigarette. Usaully Hatori would smoke about ten a day and enjoy them, but at the moment he just seemed to burn them out as fast as possible with deep drags. Hatori actually managed to finish the cigarette when he reached the front door.

"Hatori?" Shigure asked, "-Are you alright? You seem tense"

"What?" Hatori stopped dead his tracks. Was he alright? "I don't know," he answered truthfully,

"-I'm just really having many things to do at the main house… I'm not getting as much sleep as I need, I suppose."

"Ah, poor Hatori. You really shouldn't forget about yourself even if Akito needs your help. We'll call in another doctor to relieve if it's too much," Shigure replied in a much more serious tone than he usually uses. Hatori avoided Shigure's gaze and subconsciously his hand yet again finds the cigarette pack, putting a cigarette between his lips. He lit it and looked the other man in the eyes. He was surprised to find Shigure staring back at him intently.

"What?" Hatori asked took a deep drag. Shigure smiled in a strange disbelieving way while shaking his head.

"Ha'ri, you're chain smoking!"

"No, I'm not!" Hatori immediately got defensive. Chain smoking! Shigure smoked more than he did! With all the time he spent the last months beside Akito's sick bed he just had to take a smoke whenever he could. Perhaps it had gotten a little out of hand, but he was most certainly not chain smoking.

"You've got to know your own limits and take care of yourself," Shigure commented, "-'cause Akito wont"

"I'm the doctor, Shigure," Hatori answered, "-I'm sure I'll manage."

Before they could continue their debate Tohru came out and announced that dinner was ready. Hatori couldn't help but to feel that he was saved by the bell.

Dinner was as usual delicious when done by Tohru and for the first in what seemed like weeks, Haotori could take his time eating, enjoying it.

However, when fulfilling one of his body' needs he became painfully aware of the other one. Tiredness swept over him, hazing his every move and he couldn't keep up with the conversation. How was he supposed to drive home? And he still needed to check up on Yuki as well before he could get home and it would soon be time for Akito's next shot.

"I'm afraid that I need to get back to the main house. Thank you very much, Tohru, for a wonderful dinner," Hatori started, "-and Yuki? Could I just listen to your chest first?" Yuki nodded as Hatori got to his feet, every muscle in his body protested to the movement.

They went into Shigure's work room and Yuki unbuttoned his shirt right away; this was a well known routine for them.

While warming the stethoscope Hatori found his attention drift elsewhere.

"Hatori?" Yuki asked when the doctor seemed to freeze in his movements and his eyes began to stare into space. When he got no reply he called again: "Hatori!" and placed a hand on the man's shoulder. Hatori's eyes found yuki, seemingly without registering anything.

"Yes," he answered and then put the stethoscope the young man's chest like nothing had happened "-breathe deep, please"

Yuki obeyed, but continued to study the doctor as he examined his breathing. Yuki's lungs sounded fine, there was still the slightest hint of a hitch when he breathed particularly deep, but it was nothing to worry about.

Yuki on the other hand didn't like what he was seeing. The young doctor was pale, hollow cheeked, and dark beneath his eyes and when he really listen he found that his breathing were rather shallow, even compared to his own.

"Your chest sounds fine," Hatori said in a tired voice, packing away the stethoscope again.

"Are you alright, Hatori?" Yuki found himself asking.

"I'm just fine too. I just need some sleep, that's all," he answered, almost convincing the boy.

"You sure that you're fit to drive?" Hatori hadn't noticed Shigure had come into the room as well. Hatori nodded

"I'm sure I'll manage."

Shigure wasn't convinced, however.

Hatori saw that Shigure was talking, but heard nothing but an all deafening buzzing noise that filled his head. Dizziness hit him again like a shock wave and he felt his knees go weak.

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Shigure almost refused to see what reality showed him. He saw Hatori's eyes grow distant and he ceased reacting to the questions he asked. He put a hand on his shoulder, but there was still no reaction.

"Hatori, come one," Shigure said, wondering if Ha'ri finally had gotten tired of his rambling or if something was really wrong. He got his answer when Hatori's eyes disappeared in the back of his head and his knees buckled underneath him, sending him crashing towards the floor.

Shigure just manage to put an arm under his back and significantly softened the impact to the floor as Hatori lost consciousness. Shigure heard Yuki scream Hatori's name, but the first thing that was one Shigure's mind was to check the doctor's vital signs. He immediately feared that his friend was having a heart attack.

He was relieved to find a steady pulse and that his breathing wasn't obstructed in any way. But that didn't mean that there wasn't something else wrong.

"What happened?" Tohru asked as she entered along with Kyo.

"He collapsed," Shigure answered, with evident shock in his voice, "-simply collapsed"

"No way," was the only thing Kyo managed to say.

"Will he be alright?" Tohru asked in worry.

"I don't know, but his hearts beating and he's still breathing," Shigure began, "Yuki, go call that doctor we sometimes use if Hatori's out of town."

"Yes, I will." Shigure noticed Tohru's worried facial expression. Perhaps it reminded her of her father's sad fate.

"I'm sure it's just exhaustion," Shigure said, mostly for Tohru's sake, but for his own as well.

"Should we call an ambulance?" Kyo asked.

"No, I don't think so. He was complaining about being tired… and he would kill us if we rushed him to hospital just for that."

Shigure scooped Hatori up in his arms like he was nothing more than a child. Shigure hated that he actually he wasn't much heavier than one. His old friend had indeed lost a lot of weight recently, but this was bordering to unhealthy looking skinny. Shigure carried Hatori's limb figure to his own bed in the next room and gently put him down on the covers and arranged a pillow under his head.

He found the stethoscope in Ha'ri's bag and began to unbutton the young doctor's shirt. He really needed to be sure that his childhood friend and relative were indeed not having a heart attack. As Shigure exposed Hatori's chest it became evident why he was so light to carry. The muscle that the young doctor once had due to martial arts training were all gone, left was only the pronounced ribs under the pale skin. Shigure sighed; Hatori had pushed himself much further than he ever would have expected him to.

Shigure put the stethoscope on the other mans chest directly above the heart and he was relieved to hear a good strong heart beat, a regular one. He kept listening, just to be sure; it somehow made him feel safer.

"Tohru, Kyo, Yuki?" Shigure finally began, "-you have school tomorrow; you should get finished and go to bed. I'll take of Ha'ri and doctor when he comes." He gave a reassuring smile.

"I think that he's alright for now. He's just overtaxed himself. He did that a lot during his university years too"

Shigure was please to find that Tohru seemed to lighten up a bit and the young members of the house left the room.

"Ah, Ha'ri," Shigure whispered in a warm tone, "-what am I to do with you?" and brushed some of the jet black hair away from his face. The smile that had decorated Shigure's face vanished soon though.

In stead, tears formed in his eyes when he saw gray hair straws amongst the black by Hatori's temples. It made him realize that it wasn't just weeks of overtaxing – it was months, possibly a year. He damned himself for not noticing sooner. Rarely had he felt so guilty.

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Hatori woke up when a persistent sun beam reached his eyes. He was met by a roaring silence and his eyes showed him an unfamiliar room – he was just about to panic when Shigure entered.

"Ha'ri! Am I glad to see you awake," Shigure always managed to sound so sincere, "-how are you feeling?"

Hatori were still taking in his surroundings and slightly groggy.

"You passed out," Shigure began, "Do you remember? You gave us all quite a scare, but fortunately the good doctor assured us that you were going to be alright if you start to sleep 7 hours a day, eat at least three solid meals a day, and quits smoking."

"The 'good' doctor?" Hatori croaked out and coughed a couple of times; he immediately recognized it as the beginning of a smoker's cough. He literally felt like shit; he was dazed, hungry, his entire body was trembling with effort of just sitting up, and his hands were shaking uncontrollably with the desperate need of nicotine.

"Well, yes," Shigure smiled, "-I can't remember his name so I have to call him something. Anyway, Ha'ri, you, on the contrary, haven't been a very good doctor towards yourself as of late."

Hatori ignored him. He really wasn't in the mood for Shigure's ramblings, in stead he started fumbling in his close for the pack of cigarettes he knew had to there somewhere.

"Hatori!" Shigure said in a much harsher, serious voice. Serious enough for Hatori to make eye contact and stop his doings, "-look at yourself, you're self destructive - don't you realize that you're killing yourself! Indirectly!"

Hatori slumped back against the pillow and looked out the window.

"I won't stand by and do nothing. I can't let you go further down this road," Shigure continued, "-you don't know just how much I regret giving you one of my cigarettes that night… that night you erased Kana's memory.

I thought it was going to be a one time only thing, like all the liquor we consumed that night, but the cigarettes stayed with you. Why?"

Hatori continued starring out the window. Why, was indeed the question.

"I suppose it didn't matter after Kana," Hatori whispered.

"Kana wasn't the only one who cares about you, Ha'ri. You know that"


End file.
